29th Sep2011

Just My Thoughts: 3 Things You Should NOT Listen to After a Breakup

by DG

Do you see the look on Yeezy’s face up there? That’s the same dude who produced “The Takeover.” He once chopped up a Maybach with his buddy Hova just to spin cookies with 3 slim tenders in the backseat. Even though he got his “money right” and we “Can’t Tell Him Nothing” he still couldn’t avoid the PTSD after his relationship was over. The heartbreak he experienced from a breakup caused him to sing drunken thoughts over 808′s 12 times and call it an album. It made him think it was ok to share a bottle of Hennessy with Joe Jackson and snatch the mic from a 17 year old white girl at the MTV awards. This nigga even thought he could slander the President of the United States on national television and get away with it. If a woman could do that to a man who makes millions to talk shit on dope beats; what do you think she could do to you and I? If you want to prevent this from happening to you, I suggest you scroll down.

1. Your Friends

Ladies, these are the same people who acted fake happy when they seen that little heart on their FB newsfeed saying you went from “single” to “in a relationship.” Don’t let the “I’m here for you” and “you deserve better” text messages fool you. They don’t want to see you prosper… they just need a friend to introduce to the basketball team for more cool points. When they tell you things like, “you’re single and it’s time to have fun,” they really mean “let’s get drunk and tag teamed.” Taking advice from your friends in a time of hurt can lead you down the path of no return. After 42 shots of Patron and 6 different guys named Jamal over the span of a month; the walls that used to be furnished with vacation pictures of you and your beaux will now look like ground zero. The only man that would marry a woman with a body count higher than Chicago still has braids and wears jean shorts. Do NOT listen to your friends if you ever want to wear the color white on your wedding day.


2. Lil Wayne – I’m Single

I once dragged this into my itunes after breaking up with my girl and bounced around my apartment like Waka Flocka with his head cut off. Three minutes into the song I realized that she dumped me and might be listening to the same song. I grew a full beard and lost my edge up in less than 24 hours. After being sent to voicemail for an entire night, I picked up smoking and filled my lungs with the struggle of Black & Mild’s as I walked down the street in a winter jacket, basketball shorts and construction boots. If you want to avoid the sounds of junior high school girls driving by and laughing at you, then you should go put this song in your recycle bin right now because you may very well be single one day.


3. Voicemails

The only thing worse than being sent to voicemail is replaying the old ones that were sent to you. Throughout the course of your relationship, you pressed 9 every 21 days just to listen to the new one she sent you. Hearing her say, “baby I love you, call me when you get this,” only makes you want to call her. It will be a disaster if you do this from your dark living room while drinking the cheapest malt liquor struggle you can buy. The digits *86 are gateway numbers that lead to her number. After kicking you to the curb like Will’s friend Jazz, you are the last person she wants to see on her incoming calls list. The more you call, the less she wants to talk and that’s word to the 58 missed calls my girl got the last time she tried to break it off with me.


Today’s Theme Song: Jay-Z – Bitches and Sisters

If you don’t want to take game from me, then listen to the man that married then impregnated the beautiful creature that we know as Beyonce Knowles. Remember young bucks, the first line of defense is always knowing the difference between a heaux and a housewife. Some of the best music comes from heartbroken artists so I’ll probably send the picture above to Wiz and Kanye until they block me on twitter. Anyways, these are just my thoughts so if you don’t agree I hope your girl answers the phone while she’s bonin her co-worker in the break room. It’s time for me to call my queen and tell her I love her before I have to take the advice I just gave you. In the meantime, tell a facebook friend to tweet about us.

Previous Installments: The J. Cole Won Edition | Non-Drake Listeners, Facebook Philosophers & The Cole Curse | Glen Rice, Sarah Palin & Un-Chillable Cousins | College Girls, Jeggings & Baby Jesus

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